Sometimes the weight of all of our expectations becomes too much and we lose our joy in what we set out to be perfect at. I will use my own recent life experience with this be an example that I hope many of you can find a way to relate to.
I woke up in the morning, stepped out of my bed, and nearly broke my neck slipping on a pile of dog vomit. I sighed, hopped to the bathroom on one foot and jumped in the shower. I could hear scratching at my door because my foster dog has separation anxiety, so I step partially out of the shower to open the door to let her in. Next I hear a knock...it's my daughter telling me that her brother is picking on her. I yell to to her to leave me alone and cut my shower short. I step out onto the floor and of course it's wet and my foster dog is staring at me nervously so I reassure her. I get dressed and ready as best I can, pour myself some coffee, and start packing kids' lunches. Between the fighting and chaos, we somehow manage to get out the door and off to school. I never got to drink my coffee. As I'm driving I think to myself that I sure hope my foster dog doesn't destroy anything in the house before I get back. I drop kids off, head back home, and breathe a sigh of relief at no damage to the house. I shove three scoops of cottage cheese in my mouth, load up the dogs, and off we go to the woods to release their energy. It's my happy time there. A time where I can watch the dogs feel the freedom, run as hard as they can, and I forget about everything, really. Time to load up and head back home. When we get back to the house, I figure out where I have to put what dog, what needs to be picked up so it's not destroyed, check to see if I closed the right door so a dog doesn't pee in there, and take the dog with separation anxiety because I can't possibly leave her.
Off I go to the my shop to fulfill orders. I realize that I forgot my laptop at home, so I turn around, frustrated with myself. I head back to the shop and realize I'm starving. I get to work and survive off tap water and some old peanuts in my cabinet. I feel so tired because I really hadn't slept well in nearly a month because my foster dog suffered from severe night tremors and woke me up multiple times a night. I was just ready to finish up my orders when I remember I have to take my son to a dentist appointment. I load up the dog, get my son, go the appointment, and then head back to my shop to finish up. I forgot the dog in the back of the truck and went out to retrieve her several minutes later, wondering how I could have possibly forgotten she was in there. I'm such an idiot I told myself! I leave the shop hoping I forgot to turn the burners on the stove off, head to the post office to drop off orders, and then wonder to myself what in the world I'm going to make for dinner.
When I arrive at the grocery store, it's the worst possible time to go. Everyone else is there trying to fill up their carts before they, too, have to go pick up their kids from school. I start pushing the cart with ZERO plan, wondering why I am not more organized and have a meal plan like all those other mom's do. I settle for "baked potato bar night" and call it good. As I stand in the grocery line I remember something important I was supposed to do at the shop and I beat myself up about it. I pick up the kids who seem in a happy mood until we get home, then they just start fighting again. They fail to hang up their backpacks on the designated hooks that were hung for them and their shoes are in the middle of the floor so I nag at them to pick up their stuff. I start on dinner, meanwhile nothing has been done at the house so it's a disaster and I need to do laundry for tomorrow. Then Bean reminds me he has practice. At this point, I want to put myself into the oven.
I manage to get through dinner, kids settle in their rooms before bed, I start the laundry. I put on one of my shows, but find I can't pay much attention to it because there are a million thoughts racing through my head. I finally retire to bed, knowing I will just get another crappy nights rest and wake up feeling the same way, doing the same things again. In that moment, I don't feel like enough. I don't feel like I have it in me for one more day. I don't feel like I'm succeeding at anything. I hop on social media to realize that my last Crunchy Mamas Facebook post did terrible. I convince myself that I may as well just face it, the business is going to go down in flames.
When I put too many expectations on myself, I fell short in my own mind. I didn't feel like I was a good mom, wife, business owner, or foster home. The things that were most important in my life became burdens and I became my own worst enemy. I am fully aware that we all go through trials in our lives and tumultuous times, however, I am also aware that we have a lot of power over our own personal expectations for ourselves. My kids didn't care that the house was messy or that I didn't have anything planned for dinner...again. My husband was more concerned about my mental state than he was about being woken up multiple times a night by a difficult foster dog. I took ALL of the weight on myself because I figured I was the only one that could carry the burden. My Crunchy Mamas customers didn't hate me overnight because I wasn't able to perform on social media like I typically would or if their order was a day or two late because life happened.
I hope you find a way to relate to this and are encouraged to start wading your way out of the depths of insurmountable expectations.